Friday, October 21, 2011

Fall and our love/hate relationship


I love the fall. I love that my birthday is in the fall. I love the crisp air, the fact that I can pull out sweaters again, and, of course, the gorgeous leaves. I just love fall. I especially love and miss fall in New England, because there's nothing prettier than those fall colors. Of course, I may be a little biased.

Everyone loves fall, but sometimes I really hate it.
I don't remember where I was reading this, but someone commented on the fact that fall is the worst for those of us who suffer from depression. They were absolutely correct, I realized, once I thought about it. Every morning I get up before the sun rises, and drive to work by the light of the moon. It's just barely getting lighter when I get into work at 7 am, and I sit at my desk with my back to the window, so I don't see the sun come up. At some point in the morning I will have reason to look out the window and see the sun, which is comforting. We recently moved offices and I actually have light (we're on the top floor rather than the bottom now) which has been wonderful.

And yet...it is so much more difficult to get up when it is still dark out, than when it's light, in the summer. The sun is starting to be out for fewer and fewer hours, and even though daylight saving time is coming, it's still several weeks away, and I know that even then it will still be dark when I get up as we head into November and December.

So, I struggle through the dark mornings, and the overcast days, and try to see beauty in the trees. I know that spring will come again, and then the sky will remain light even when I'm going to bed...at 9:30 pm.
But for now? For now, I both love and hate fall.

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