Thursday, March 11, 2010

Baby fever

I don't want kids right now. Not at the moment, but someday. We've only been married two months and we dated long distance for so long that it's nice to actually have time with the two of us. A baby would throw that out the window. Not to mention the fact that I'm unemployed and while financially we are alright, we are not financially ready for children.

Phew, now that I've laid out the logical thinking, lets get down to the illogical. I want a baby. No, mostly I want to be pregnant. Maybe it's because I'm bored, maybe it's because I'm looking at a lot of friends with kids...friends who have been married at least over a year, though, often longer. Or maybe because I've been thinking about this since high school.

My best friend and I became obsessed with being pregnant some time in the middle of high school. I'm not exactly sure why, but we read about it, talked about it and, as a result, I knew much more about being pregnant than the average high school junior. Of course it's easy to dream when neither of us had a boyfriend, not to mention any prospects. Fast forward to now. I'm in a committed relationship and it would be perfectly reasonable if, next month, I told my parents that I'm pregnant. Perfectly reasonable, and yet completely illogical. See paragraph number one in this post!

The most frustrating thing about being married is baby fever. Combating the desire to get pregnant and have a baby, something that is hardwired in me in a way I never even realized before I got married, is proving to be more difficult than I ever thought.

So, what now? I have no idea. Now I wait, enjoy time with my husband, and hope for a job that will occupy my time.

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